Saturday, June 20, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
God's grace...
"The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn't have been complete without you. Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever separate us. It's for you I created the universe. I love you". - Fredrick Buechner
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
the day the music died...
It's been one week since my dad passed away. I ache, I physically ache.
I am still in shock - sometimes I literally scoff out loud because it seems absolutely absurd that he could no longer be "here". I cannot process this. i cannot!
then come the huge wave of emotions...
there are thoughts of all the things and moments i will miss with him, the moments my kids will miss - it seems so unimaginable.
i whispered in his ear at the hospital that i knew that even if he were 100 years old i would never be ready for him to go, but halfway there is just impossible for me to comprehend. i needed more time.
every morning since the day i got the call, i have thought... if i could somehow just go back 24 hours, 48 hours, then 72 hours, then a few days...and it goes on.
if somehow, i could travel back in time and beg him to go to the dr. or call him the morning of and convince him to just go straight to a hospital - i know these are crazy irrational thoughts, but i have them. every day, several times a day.
it just doesn't seem like it can be real.
and my life now seems to be divided into two parts:
1. when dad was alive
2. after dad passed away.
the spiderman balloon hovering in the bottom of my closet from ian's birthday party - dad was still here; the milk in the fridge that i pour into hudson's bottle - dad was still here; the beautiful flowers and plants sitting on my porch - after; the water sprinkler ian runs through laughing hysterically - after.
in the midst of this enormous pain, there is a peace that God has covered us with. He has kept me from exploding from the inside out - even though it feels like i am suffocating.
We had a Celebration Of Life for dad on thursday evening. we sat outside on his friend's land where he would spend many evenings playing guitar on the porch.
and i can say with everything that i am, that dad would have loved it!
when we walked into dad's house for the first time a week and a half ago, on the dry erase board hanging in his kitchen was the quote, "Be the change you wish to see in this world" - and Chris spoke about dad being that change.
people ate and remembered how goofy and fun and loving and talented he was.
his friends that he is in a band with played a song that he co-wrote called, "Goodbye Everybody" (it was written this past january and we found it in one of his guitar cases while he was still in icu).
Another way that God comforted us.
we watched a slideshow of pictures of pieces of his life. we stayed late into the night sitting on his friend's porch listening to them play their acoustic guitars and singing.
i hated to leave - it felt like he was there.
i know that dad is okay, i take peace in that. but i ache beyond words of the pain that is caused by the separation.
I am still in shock - sometimes I literally scoff out loud because it seems absolutely absurd that he could no longer be "here". I cannot process this. i cannot!
then come the huge wave of emotions...
there are thoughts of all the things and moments i will miss with him, the moments my kids will miss - it seems so unimaginable.
i whispered in his ear at the hospital that i knew that even if he were 100 years old i would never be ready for him to go, but halfway there is just impossible for me to comprehend. i needed more time.
every morning since the day i got the call, i have thought... if i could somehow just go back 24 hours, 48 hours, then 72 hours, then a few days...and it goes on.
if somehow, i could travel back in time and beg him to go to the dr. or call him the morning of and convince him to just go straight to a hospital - i know these are crazy irrational thoughts, but i have them. every day, several times a day.
it just doesn't seem like it can be real.
and my life now seems to be divided into two parts:
1. when dad was alive
2. after dad passed away.
the spiderman balloon hovering in the bottom of my closet from ian's birthday party - dad was still here; the milk in the fridge that i pour into hudson's bottle - dad was still here; the beautiful flowers and plants sitting on my porch - after; the water sprinkler ian runs through laughing hysterically - after.
in the midst of this enormous pain, there is a peace that God has covered us with. He has kept me from exploding from the inside out - even though it feels like i am suffocating.
We had a Celebration Of Life for dad on thursday evening. we sat outside on his friend's land where he would spend many evenings playing guitar on the porch.
and i can say with everything that i am, that dad would have loved it!
when we walked into dad's house for the first time a week and a half ago, on the dry erase board hanging in his kitchen was the quote, "Be the change you wish to see in this world" - and Chris spoke about dad being that change.
people ate and remembered how goofy and fun and loving and talented he was.
his friends that he is in a band with played a song that he co-wrote called, "Goodbye Everybody" (it was written this past january and we found it in one of his guitar cases while he was still in icu).
Another way that God comforted us.
we watched a slideshow of pictures of pieces of his life. we stayed late into the night sitting on his friend's porch listening to them play their acoustic guitars and singing.
i hated to leave - it felt like he was there.
i know that dad is okay, i take peace in that. but i ache beyond words of the pain that is caused by the separation.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
a Plethora of Precious Past-due Postworthy Pictures
First, I love alliterations. Second, here are some super cute random pictures that have been taken during our blog vacation...enjoy!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Birthdays (also belated;)
During our blog absence both of the boys had birthdays!!! Ian turned 3 and Hudson had his 1st birthday!! i cannot get over how fast time goes by with babies. they grow and change so quickly and each day they amaze me with something new.
sometimes i wish time would slow down just a little bit - that i could hold and snuggle them a little longer, carry them on my hip a few more months, get sweet wet kisses a couple more times. sometimes it's physically painful to think about how much i love them, but a joyful pain - i know that sounds crazy, but you mommas out there know what i'm talkin' about!! (by the way, shout out mommas for a happy mother's day!)
Ian turned the big 3 on March 17th. We had his birthday party at "Going Apes" in burleson. it was a lot of fun and easy (which i LOVE)!! Ian is smart and silly and sensitive to others and growing up so fast. He's into such "big boy" things now - he loves riding his bike and is now begging for a scooter. He likes to play Wii baseball and especially loves to play baseball outside with his daddy (who is a much better pitcher than mommy). He says some of the most hilarious things (which i'll start blogging more;). We love him more than we could ever express and are so thankful for such an amazing THREE year old!!
Hollie made Ian's awesome spiderman cake:
Here is Ian pre-party trying out the spiderman masks in the goodie bags
We had a blast jumping and sliding and playing guitar hero and jumping some more with our friends!!
Roger and Amber rockin' out ;)
waiting for some yummy cake!
Happy Birthday sweet boy!
Ian post-cake and punch and jumping;)
p.s. Ian's super cute shirt was made by Jennifer (Tag Your It Creations) - she makes LOTS of cute stuff.
My little, bitty baby Hudson turned a whole year old on March 26th!! He is so much different than Ian but just as awesome!! He's charming and goofy and oh, SO stubborn. we are so blessed to have two healthy, happy strong boys. i pray that God fills us with strength and patience and guidance in raising them.
Hudson's cake wasn't near as cute as i was hoping (that's what i get for going with a supermarket;)
Two incredibly handsome guys wearing my latest creation;)
Hudson's first experience with cake went a little like this....
Then bathtime!!!!
And then it's time for presents!!
Do I eat this or open it?!?!
Happy birthday my sweet boys!!! I am SO thankful for you both and love you SO, SO much!!!
sometimes i wish time would slow down just a little bit - that i could hold and snuggle them a little longer, carry them on my hip a few more months, get sweet wet kisses a couple more times. sometimes it's physically painful to think about how much i love them, but a joyful pain - i know that sounds crazy, but you mommas out there know what i'm talkin' about!! (by the way, shout out mommas for a happy mother's day!)
Ian turned the big 3 on March 17th. We had his birthday party at "Going Apes" in burleson. it was a lot of fun and easy (which i LOVE)!! Ian is smart and silly and sensitive to others and growing up so fast. He's into such "big boy" things now - he loves riding his bike and is now begging for a scooter. He likes to play Wii baseball and especially loves to play baseball outside with his daddy (who is a much better pitcher than mommy). He says some of the most hilarious things (which i'll start blogging more;). We love him more than we could ever express and are so thankful for such an amazing THREE year old!!
Hollie made Ian's awesome spiderman cake:
Here is Ian pre-party trying out the spiderman masks in the goodie bags
We had a blast jumping and sliding and playing guitar hero and jumping some more with our friends!!
Roger and Amber rockin' out ;)
waiting for some yummy cake!
Happy Birthday sweet boy!
Ian post-cake and punch and jumping;)p.s. Ian's super cute shirt was made by Jennifer (Tag Your It Creations) - she makes LOTS of cute stuff.
My little, bitty baby Hudson turned a whole year old on March 26th!! He is so much different than Ian but just as awesome!! He's charming and goofy and oh, SO stubborn. we are so blessed to have two healthy, happy strong boys. i pray that God fills us with strength and patience and guidance in raising them.
Hudson's cake wasn't near as cute as i was hoping (that's what i get for going with a supermarket;)
Two incredibly handsome guys wearing my latest creation;)Hudson's first experience with cake went a little like this....
Then bathtime!!!!
And then it's time for presents!!
Do I eat this or open it?!?!
Happy birthday my sweet boys!!! I am SO thankful for you both and love you SO, SO much!!!
BELATED!!
okay, so it's been a really long time since i've updated....a REALLY long time! i keep meaning to sit down and go through all of our photos and collect my thoughts and to just write an amazing post that will redeem me from being on hiatus for 3 1/2 months....but now there's so much pressure;) but here goes (and by the way, i have committed myself - not to the looney bin just yet, but to update AT LEAST once a week from now on)
Let's start with the boys Christmas photo (wow, this is sad!)
For more precious photos from Christmas 2008 check them out here.
Umm...the rest of January and February are pretty much a blurr but here are some random pics from the camera on my phone (excuse the high quality) and some from our friend Jackson's b-day party at Main Stay Farms in late February.
Ian and our friend Camdyn hanging out at the awesome playground at Main Stay Farms - I should have gotten a picture of the awesome tree house and everything else - it was incredible!!
Camdyn and Ian stopping for a quick farmer pose
....and the best part of any birthday party....CAKE!!!!
Our friend Boston had a fun Easter egg hunt and train ride at the zoo the week before Easter. The boys had a blast playing on the playground, hunting eggs, and their first train ride!
Hudson LOVED swinging!!
Big brother Ian giving Hudson a little push
Hudson and Ian riding the train
We celebrated Easter with an awesome morning of worship and then had two more egg hunts - one at aunt Susan's with lots and lots of candy and another at grandma Shunk's where the eggs were filled with quarters!!! Ian was SO excited to find the quarters - I think he ended up banking around $6 to put in his piggy bank.
grandma Doris and Hudson (his favorite part was shaking the eggs;)
Ian had SO much fun!
Since I've yet to figure out an easy way to drag pictures around on here - I'm going to post the boy's birthday pics and fun in a separate post. So...until then (and the plan is about a half hour;)...ENJOY!!!
Let's start with the boys Christmas photo (wow, this is sad!)
For more precious photos from Christmas 2008 check them out here.
Umm...the rest of January and February are pretty much a blurr but here are some random pics from the camera on my phone (excuse the high quality) and some from our friend Jackson's b-day party at Main Stay Farms in late February.
Ian and our friend Camdyn hanging out at the awesome playground at Main Stay Farms - I should have gotten a picture of the awesome tree house and everything else - it was incredible!!
Camdyn and Ian stopping for a quick farmer pose
....and the best part of any birthday party....CAKE!!!!Our friend Boston had a fun Easter egg hunt and train ride at the zoo the week before Easter. The boys had a blast playing on the playground, hunting eggs, and their first train ride!
Hudson LOVED swinging!! 
Big brother Ian giving Hudson a little push
Hudson and Ian riding the trainWe celebrated Easter with an awesome morning of worship and then had two more egg hunts - one at aunt Susan's with lots and lots of candy and another at grandma Shunk's where the eggs were filled with quarters!!! Ian was SO excited to find the quarters - I think he ended up banking around $6 to put in his piggy bank.
grandma Doris and Hudson (his favorite part was shaking the eggs;)
Ian had SO much fun!Since I've yet to figure out an easy way to drag pictures around on here - I'm going to post the boy's birthday pics and fun in a separate post. So...until then (and the plan is about a half hour;)...ENJOY!!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wacky Winter Wonder
okay....i know i'm stretching it with the alliteration title;)! just wanted to post some cute pictures from the last couple of months and needed a catchy title.
Here are ian and daddy at ian's christmas program at school - his class wore angel wings (made from poster board- i was very impressed) and halos.
getting ready to belt it out
poppy's future band mates!!
Here are ian and daddy at ian's christmas program at school - his class wore angel wings (made from poster board- i was very impressed) and halos.
getting ready to belt it out
poppy's future band mates!!
i just love this picture!!! ian loves being outside with daddy!
we had taken a picture of ian like this around this age - they are definitely brothers;)
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Way Back When-sday
okay, so I shamelessly stole this idea from my sweet friend Leilanni - thanks girl! But I loved the idea and so for my first Way Back Whensday I thought I would post a VERY way back of Steve and I.
We just celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary a few weeks ago - and of course, I always have to throw out there - that we've been together 12, yes 12 years!!! I can't believe it's been that long.
Here is a picture of us during a break in March of 1997 at my house. It's hard for me to comprehend that so much time has gone by. We've changed so much physically (more so me;) and spiritually, and emotionally.
If I'm being honest, sometimes I miss this couple...I miss how goofy and crazy we were in love. How we couldn't find enough time to be together, hated to get off the phone (and would often just fall asleep on the phone so we didn't have to), could literally kiss for hours until our mouths hurt (is that TMI?). and I definitely miss that figure!!!!;)
But also - I'm so thankful for some of the changes - we're in a place now where we are more conscious of our spiritual walk and working towards bringing Christ into the center of our family (which is another huge bonus - our kids!!!) We still love each other - past the crazy, goofy head over heels "love" - we're still here - through SO much and still really LOVE each other. God is so good! and i truly love you so much steve!!!!
We just celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary a few weeks ago - and of course, I always have to throw out there - that we've been together 12, yes 12 years!!! I can't believe it's been that long.
Here is a picture of us during a break in March of 1997 at my house. It's hard for me to comprehend that so much time has gone by. We've changed so much physically (more so me;) and spiritually, and emotionally.
If I'm being honest, sometimes I miss this couple...I miss how goofy and crazy we were in love. How we couldn't find enough time to be together, hated to get off the phone (and would often just fall asleep on the phone so we didn't have to), could literally kiss for hours until our mouths hurt (is that TMI?). and I definitely miss that figure!!!!;)
But also - I'm so thankful for some of the changes - we're in a place now where we are more conscious of our spiritual walk and working towards bringing Christ into the center of our family (which is another huge bonus - our kids!!!) We still love each other - past the crazy, goofy head over heels "love" - we're still here - through SO much and still really LOVE each other. God is so good! and i truly love you so much steve!!!!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
9 months and crazy quotes from Ian
Hudson is now 9 months old!!!
It seems to crazy to me that he has already grown that much! I know every parent says that - and I know it's true for every parent, but it sure doesn't make it any easier;)
Some things about our Hudson at 9 months....
*he is crawling around like crazy! he's been crawling for about a month and a half now, but it's been this hilarious army crawl, he's finally been up on his knees for the last two weeks or so.
* he LOVES anything his big brother is playing with (and Ian is of course less excited about this)
* if he had his own cell phone and remote control he would be in baby heaven all day - but don't think he can be fooled by some "baby" cell phone and remote! he's no fool!
* he thinks his big brother is hilarious when he dances around (okay, really all the time)
* steve and i have deemed him the "naptime instigator" - Ian tries really hard to ignore him and fall asleep during nap time, but Hudson's infectious giggle is no match for him and before we know it they are both laughing hysterically at....i have no idea what.
* he can find the tiniest speckle of anything and pick it up with his tiny little pincher grasp
* he gives the best (open mouthed) kisses!
* when he gets excited about something he kicks his legs and tries to jump out of your arms (he's pretty fearless)
* he loves when his daddy plays the guitar
* he officially has 3 teeth poking through - two on top and one on bottom
* he loves his sitter (and so do we;)
* he is waving bye and hi. we think he is saying "bye bye" (not sure if he knows he is or not;)
* i'm pretty sure he said "mama" and actually associated it with me the other day when i picked him up!!!
We love you sweet Hudson!!!
and as for Ian....oh, my sweet, hilarious, whiney, joyful Ian!! He's growing up too fast too!! He's saying some of the funniest things (probably mostly to us - you know us parents can be biased;)
In no particular order, here are some of my favorite toddler quotes over the last few weeks...
While in the car:
Ian: "mama, i drop my (insert any random toy or thing here), get it."
Me: "i can't get it right now, i'm driving. you'll have to wait"
after much contemplation
Ian: "you sit in my seat and i drive. i'll get it."
at grammy's house:
Me: "ian, can mommy sleep in your room with you" (he and hudson have a room there with two twin beds)
Ian: "yeah, you can sleep in the other bed just don't wake me up!"
at Target:
(let me set the scene....Ian is still potty training and doing pretty well. he tells me in the car while we're on the way to drop off baby's prescription that he needs to go potty. i tell him we'll go as soon as we get to the store. when we get to the store he gets PBF "public bathroom fright" - he can't go. he tells me he needs to go to his house;)
We go to the concession area to get a snack while we wait for our prescription, as we're leaving...
Me: "ian, you need to sit down (he's in the back part of the cart). you could get hurt if we bumped into something."
Ian: (i'm pretty sure as loud as he possibly can) "I CAN'T!!!!! I HAVE POO POO ON MY BUTT!!!"
....the older couple sitting next to us ceased their nacho eating at this point.
we sure love you ian!!!
It seems to crazy to me that he has already grown that much! I know every parent says that - and I know it's true for every parent, but it sure doesn't make it any easier;)
Some things about our Hudson at 9 months....
*he is crawling around like crazy! he's been crawling for about a month and a half now, but it's been this hilarious army crawl, he's finally been up on his knees for the last two weeks or so.
* he LOVES anything his big brother is playing with (and Ian is of course less excited about this)
* if he had his own cell phone and remote control he would be in baby heaven all day - but don't think he can be fooled by some "baby" cell phone and remote! he's no fool!
* he thinks his big brother is hilarious when he dances around (okay, really all the time)
* steve and i have deemed him the "naptime instigator" - Ian tries really hard to ignore him and fall asleep during nap time, but Hudson's infectious giggle is no match for him and before we know it they are both laughing hysterically at....i have no idea what.
* he can find the tiniest speckle of anything and pick it up with his tiny little pincher grasp
* he gives the best (open mouthed) kisses!
* when he gets excited about something he kicks his legs and tries to jump out of your arms (he's pretty fearless)
* he loves when his daddy plays the guitar
* he officially has 3 teeth poking through - two on top and one on bottom
* he loves his sitter (and so do we;)
* he is waving bye and hi. we think he is saying "bye bye" (not sure if he knows he is or not;)
* i'm pretty sure he said "mama" and actually associated it with me the other day when i picked him up!!!
We love you sweet Hudson!!!
and as for Ian....oh, my sweet, hilarious, whiney, joyful Ian!! He's growing up too fast too!! He's saying some of the funniest things (probably mostly to us - you know us parents can be biased;)
In no particular order, here are some of my favorite toddler quotes over the last few weeks...
While in the car:
Ian: "mama, i drop my (insert any random toy or thing here), get it."
Me: "i can't get it right now, i'm driving. you'll have to wait"
after much contemplation
Ian: "you sit in my seat and i drive. i'll get it."
at grammy's house:
Me: "ian, can mommy sleep in your room with you" (he and hudson have a room there with two twin beds)
Ian: "yeah, you can sleep in the other bed just don't wake me up!"
at Target:
(let me set the scene....Ian is still potty training and doing pretty well. he tells me in the car while we're on the way to drop off baby's prescription that he needs to go potty. i tell him we'll go as soon as we get to the store. when we get to the store he gets PBF "public bathroom fright" - he can't go. he tells me he needs to go to his house;)
We go to the concession area to get a snack while we wait for our prescription, as we're leaving...
Me: "ian, you need to sit down (he's in the back part of the cart). you could get hurt if we bumped into something."
Ian: (i'm pretty sure as loud as he possibly can) "I CAN'T!!!!! I HAVE POO POO ON MY BUTT!!!"
....the older couple sitting next to us ceased their nacho eating at this point.
we sure love you ian!!!
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